Sometimes in life we encounter a phase where we don’t understand anything. Life jaise darkness me dikhne lagti hai (life seems in darkness). No options left. All the doors are closed. Samjh me nai aata ki kare kya (cannot understand what to do). And I have reached to this darkness phase.
After 5 yrs when I am facing issues with my boss. I have started realizing that I am alone. No one is there to support me. Everyone knows the truth but still silent. I am helpless. I can’t do anything. Like others I also have to keep silent and bare the torture, but I need to keep my mouth shut.
I know things are wrong, but I can’t raise my voice because I am powerless.
But, this cruel phase of my life showed me where I stand in life.
I am nothing. I have not earned any progress in my life. I have not developed any skills. Other than this office work I think, I am not capable of anything. I don’t have any hobby. I am not good in anything. No other company will accept me. I might not suit their standards.
Since 6 months I have been struggling to know me better. I am trying to know what I will do in life if I am thrown out of this company. Where will I go? Who will give me Job? In this pandemic and rescission period from where I will get Job? I am so confused. I feel broken. Negativity and Anger have conquered my energy. How should I start building myself again?
I asked help from my friends they tried to motivate me but all in a vein. I tried to encourage myself by watching motivational videos but, couldn’t succeed. I feel I am just running around the bushes.
Every time I think about myself. I feel I wanted to do something great but what?
I feel I am not useless I need to figure the quality in me.
Everyone says on this planet everyone has come for some purpose.
But what is my purpose of life. I don’t want to die a worthless life.
Before I die I want to live my life. I wanted to enjoy every single second of my life. I don’t want to waste it. I feel I have just woken up from deep sleep and now I have to start working. I am ready to work hard. I know I can do anything in life. I still have energy. I still have faith. I still believe I can start over from scratch. I have everything a normal people should have. My hands, legs and every part of my body are alive. Then, what is that lacking me from enjoying my life? What is that stopping me from growing up? What is not letting me move forward? I can’t live my life like this. I know I have made so many mistakes. I know I have wasted so much time in dreaming and living an aimless life. I have to do something.
But what?
Where should I take help from? Who will guide me? How should I discover myself?
I know I am different from others. People accept their bad situation and get adapted to it. But I am not.
I can’t accept my life like this. I, for sure know this is not my life and this is not me.
I am bold, fearless and have guts to do anything. But, somewhere I am hidden and not able to get out of this hideous place.
I know I am not this. And I am trying my best. I have applied for so many jobs but still didn’t receive any response from anywhere. I feel hopeless.
This is what I mostly get in my head and it confuses me more.
Guys I know many of you who are struggling in their life must be getting these kinds of feelings. But one thing you should know and understand that this is just an exam for betterment. I know I get these feeling every single day and my pillow only knows how much I wept on it. My pillow only knows value of my tears. But at the end I just know I can’t give up. We have to try our best. We need to fight our battle and win it. Our friends and families moral support are with us. We should respect that and work hard.
For so many days I am hearing news that people are ending their lives.
But why?
Just because you, Yes “YOU” could not fight your depression and ended your life like a loser.
Are you this week?
Why don’t you people have a look at your families? Don’t you think you are much valuable to them? Have you ever tried at least once what pain they have to go though for you demise? For them it’s like a part of their soul died. If you don’t value your life at least value them. They will become lifeless on your demise. They might not be able to forgive them self for their entire life.
Like why do you want to give them this pain? Don’t you love them? Why don’t you understand their Love for you?
I know it’s a life and it has so many hurdles and many people fall also but that doesn’t mean you can end you life only. They come up. They fight and set examples for others.
You must have seen people who lost their legs and hands in some accidents. Who have born with some abnormality but still they are living happily why? How? How they have smiles on their face?
Because they fight for it. They make their weakness and helplessness into their strength. They did not give up on life. They made Life to bow down. They always stood strong. Why don’t we take lessons from them?
So guys let’s be strong and fight our battles. We have a long way to go. Let’s enjoy every phase of life and win it with beautiful color.
All I just wanted to say that, Life is beautiful. Everything will be OK.
Never Give Up. All is well.
